Love for the Hair Roof

Humor

 

Hat fashion is really the slowest-evolving and least experimental limb on the ever-changing style tree.(Mixed metaphor or what?) I get it though–BOY, DO I GET IT. In my mind, hats are like cigarettes that will probably never kill you: wear them right and you are balls deep in je ne sais quoi from je ne sais quere! Wear them wrong, though, and it is nothing but misery and awkward fumbling with that cross-body bag for you, mister.

As someone who has been there and done that, I can say it is mainly about practice with hats. It has taken me years to become the competent hat-wearer I am known in elite circles, only to be spoken about in reverent, hushed tones to be today. Strap in for tips!

WINDINESS

The bane of any brimmed-hat-wearer’s existence. It is in times like these that I turn to the only person who can help, Diane Keaton. According to this one photo I once saw of D-Keats, it is proper to remove said brimmed-head-kite-from-hell and carry it. *The preferred method is to perch it atop one hand, outstretched at shoulder height as if a short, invisible friend is wearing it.

Diane Keaton shows off her Fall Fashion sense while out in The Big Apple

Option 2 involves Elmer’s glue…

SWEATSHIRTS AND/OR BAGS

Yeah just take off the hat for a sec. This move will get cooler over time, when you get real one-two about it!

KISSING

The best way to handle a mouth handshake in a hat is to remember that the other person has purportedly seen you in the hat and is still up for the adventure, so the pressure’s off! (If they can’t see the hat, just yell out, “I AM WEARING A HAT.”)  Go in for the kill with the confidence that has likely been imbued by the hat in question and if it falls off in the process, look at it as a test of the kisser’s affections; if they don’t chase after your precious head-topper are they really worth your saliva?

TURTLE HEAD

This is the scientific term for what happens when your hat is too g-dang big and it sinks down over your eyebrows until you look positively turtleicious. So far the only solution I have come up with it to wear a sturdy pair of sunglasses and not take them off for the entirety of your hat time. It’ll be ok, I bet.

As to a more experimental venture in hat fashion, what about wearing old-timey Jackie-O hats with jeans and a t-shirt? HMMM?! (No seriously, I’ll wait for an opinion.)

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I bought yellow shoes and they’re changing my life

Style
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Daffodil yellow slides from H&M

Do you have a power shoe because I do.

I was shopping for black pants, which is the most practical shopping you can do, and after an uninspiring 15 minutes in the fitting room I was on my way out of the store, ready and willing to hang up my shopping bag for the day.  I passed the shoe section, which at this H&M is really just a wall of shoes.  Amidst the brown loafers and low-heeled black boots hung an out of place pair of summery yellow slides.  One pair, my size.

I don’t need yellow sandals.  (Nobody needs yellow sandals.)  I almost put them back three times.  But I’m glad I didn’t and I will tell you why, Jim:

I LOVE YELLOW THINGS. So far yellow has been an underutilized color in the fashion world, so these shoes were a real diamond-in-the-rough situation. And the instant I put them on I become a free spirit who has plans of traveling through Europe but for now lives on a coastal surf village in southern California. For me, that’s an important quality in a shoe.

More importantly, they remind me that I’m not a practical person, screw the black pants.  From a distance, they make it look like I’m wearing bananas on my feet. I look down and think, ‘These are hilarious. I’m hilarious.’ Get a power shoe.